We've been blogging atThe Chart Chickfor over 10 years, andZap the Grandma Gapfor 7 years, dishing out great ideas about how to share family history with your family. Over that time, we've talked about how to utilize family history in your family gatherings tocreate more unity and strengthen your relationships. And what better time to have a family gathering than during the holidays? Whether your family is getting together for Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Three Kings Day, Chinese New Year or all of the above, be sure to talk about your family history together. Here are some ideas to help:
1. Share Heirloom Family Recipes We've shared many of our ancestors family recipes over the years, on our blog and in ourZap the Grandma Gap books, but a family favorite for this time of year has to be Kim's Mother's Cranberry Salad Recipe. It is super simple and super delicious. You can find it on our post at "Happy Thanksgiving from our House to Yours" and see thevideo my kids made about iton our YouTube channel. While you are cooking this year, ask your family to help create a video to share some of your family recipes with extended family members and record them for posterity.
3. Talk about Your Family History Get the conversations going during the family gathering with our articles on 10 Questions to Ask Around The Table, or20 Questions for Your Table. The holidays are a great time to interview older relatives, create videos, and take lots of pictures. Make sure you are capturing the resources you have now to preserve your history.
4. Capture the History You Are Creating Now One of the best ideas we have shared for a family activity during the holidays is to create a time capsule. Intentionally creating an heirloom for future generations helps you be thankful for the time you have now. It could be a collection of artifacts you store for a year, or 10 years but it will be a treasure in a very short time. Check out our hints in ourTime Capsules postfor ideas of what to collect and how to store it.
We hope you have a wonderful time together as you celebrate the winter holidays coming up. We wish you all the best, from our families to yours.
Several years ago, I wrote on the Chart Chick blog about one of my favorite Christmas traditions (http://thechartchick.blogspot.com/2013/12/one-of-my-favorite-family-christmas.html) . In my family, it is traditional to have English Trifle on Christmas Eve. I have British ancestry, and my Grandfather Darrell Dana loved it. He loved all things custard and tapioca. I get that from him. We only have trifle on this one day of the year. So it is really connected with Christmas to me.
Christmas 1990 was my first Christmas away from home. In fact, I was on the other side of the world. My first marriage was falling apart and in those days you couldn't even call home much from so far away. I was in the Middle East and the First Gulf War was about to break out. It was a very stressful time. I was lonely and it didn't seem like Christmas at all. Some friends invited us over for Christmas Eve and when they brought out English Trifle for desert, it was like the heavens opened and the light shown down on my holiday. It was a love note from home, from my ancestors, from the past. Like a big warm hug. The embrace of a Family Tradition.
When my Mom made trifle, year after year, she didn't know that she was sending that love note into the future. But sometimes it is those little things that make those connections. It can be those traditions and that shared history that ties us together. Those are the pieces that make a family. Traditions are part of the team narrative you have together.
This means so much more to me now that I have young adult children. Next year, my eldest son will be the age I was in 1990. All three of my kids are just about to leave the nest, and while I
have them all home this Christmas, I find myself on the other side of
this equation as the mother in the story. What have I done to create those bonds and establish the traditions that will bind my children to our family and fill their hearts with peace and love from us when they need it? Like most well-intentioned mothers, I've made every mistake in the book. And I'm trying to hug them enough right now. But hopefully I've done enough that they will have those hugs from me in the future too. Hopefully the right pieces will be there when they need it.
What are you doing in your family? The holidays are a big time for traditions. What are you doing this month to celebrate your family history and create a sense of heritage in your family? Sometimes the best traditions are little ones that are practiced all through the year. What will your family members have to embrace them during hard times? Hug them now, but be intentional about the hugs you send into the future too. My mom did, and I'm so thankful for that.
I'm bringing the trifle to our family gathering this Christmas Eve. Thankfully my Mom and Dad will both be there and I'll get to share it with them and thank them again for this bit of light in my life. How amazing that a simple thing like a trifle could mean so much.
My daughter Rachel and I had a great time making a fun family history
tree a couple of years ago. We've enjoyed this tree so much in the
years since. I hope you'll allow me: proud Mom here. She created this
video to give you some ideas for your own family history decorating.
Hopefully it will help you inspire your family with their heritage at
this time of year.
We hope you have enjoyed all the yummy recipes we have shared this fall. We end this year with a colorful and meaningful salsa recipe from Lynette, our newest chart and shipping assistant. Lynette shares the story behind her recipe:
"I grew up in Cupertino, California in
the heart of Silicon Valley. In those years, Santa
Clara County was the world capital for apricot growing. There were
orchards everywhere, including behind our home. About 5 miles away, up a winding road in the
Cupertino foothills, my grandparents had built a home in the late 1940's
on several acres of rural property. My grandmother, Gladys Brush, went
to work planting fruit trees and raising goats and chickens. One of my
grandmother's favorite trees was a healthy pomegranate tree, but finding
good recipes for pomegranates wasn't easy. My grandmother was a health
nut, and as a kid I didn't like much of what she fixed for us. One year,
however, in the 1960's, she found this recipe in a Sunset Magazine. It
was a big hit in our family! Every Thanksgiving and Christmas it was a
favorite appetizer. My parents and I both planted pomegranate trees in
California that we shared with the family just for this recipe. Now
that most of my family has been priced out of Silicon Valley and live in
climates that can't grow them, my brother in Vegas is the keeper of the
family tree! This recipe has been passed down, shared and enjoyed for
60 years now!"
You may just instinctively know some of your family's recipes if you
make them often. When they are just in your head it is harder to pass
them down to the next generation. Write down the ingredients and
instructions in a way that anyone could prepare the food without knowing
beforehand how to make it. Record the circumstances in which the
recipes were used and who used them, along with a few details or stories
about the creators' lives. Make sure your children and grandchildren
have copies of the recipes. Family cookbooks or recipe card collections make great gifts!
Last weekend, at a local event center Thanksgiving Point, my family and I got to attend a Dia De Los Muertos Event. I'm not a big fan of Halloween--it just really isn't my thing, and I've always wished I lived in an area that celebrated Dia de los Muertos because that seemed a little more up my alley. I love how it is a celebration of your ancestors and a chance to remember and honor them. So we decided to go check this celebration out. It was fun. The decorations were beautiful with bright colors and Papel Picado flags representing the wind and the fragility of life.
I love how happy this celebration is. I love how it is a celebration of those who have passed on, not sad like a funeral, not scary like halloween, just fun--like a party.
Waiting for the presentations.
There was great food and great signage everywhere to help people understand the significance of each part of the traditions.
I loved the altars. Families build altars to celebrate the life of someone who has passed on in their family. It is a happy event to invite their loved one to return and enjoy some of the food, music, etc that they enjoyed during life. It is also a great way to keep alive their memory and teach the younger generations about those who have passed on. Altars can be built at home or in the cemetery and they are filled with offerings such as photographs, bread, flowers, toys and other things the person liked. They typically have four elements to them: earth, wind, fire and water. Earth is usually represented with soil, stones, or pottery and wind is represented with the papel picado tissue flags (which I find interesting because in Hebrew, the word for wind is also the word for spirit). Fire is usually represented with candles that symbolize the soul of the loved one and help them find their way to return. Water is usually found on the altar to help quench the thirst of the loved one after they make the journey to visit. Any family can build an altar for Dia de los Muertos as a fun way to teach the children in their family about their ancestors.
I loved that they had a community altar where participants could leave remembrances of their ancestors. And the marigolds (traditional flowers) were gorgeous and everywhere.
All throughout the weekend there were performances, kids up on stage, etc. We saw an awesome group that recreated Aztec dancing. They were fascinating.
This would be a spectacular celebration to pass down your heritage with your family. Especially if you come from a culture that celebrates Dia de los Muertos, but even if you don't. There were lots of children's activities, face painting, sugar skull decorating, paper flag cutting, etc. It is a great time to remember your ancestors, have fun with the children in your family and get together and celebrate the lives of those who came before you. Enjoy.
Summer is upon us which means it's the most popular time for family reunions and gatherings!
We have heard many of you express interest in connecting with your families at family reunions. Zap the Grandma Gap is happy to announce the new release of "My Ancestor: Family Reunion" e-book version. This multi-page resource includes 3 sections:
A Children's Activity Workbook
with rights to copy and use for the duration of the family reunion
(Choose one workbook from Pioneer, British, German, Danish, Jewish, Civil War, Swedish, or Mormon)
including over 50 pages of culturally specific activities
20 pages of FUN family heritage family reunion ideas
35 page children's workbook with interactive pages that are perfect for completing at the family reunion
Though every family member is a unique individual, these carefully selected family heritage family reunion activities will help the attendees find purpose, unity, and strength in their lives as they discover their common roots. Create new family history as family members engage in a shared family heritage using social media, blogs, and other online resources.
Print
the activity workbook pages and distribute as desired during your family reunion to
explore your family history with fun and games! Youth will gain
ownership of their family history and take the lead in learning about
their ancestors and the culture that surrounded them. As they
accomplish these activities together with the help of their parents,
grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings at the family
reunion, they will strengthen modern family bonds while strengthening
their link to the past.
Click here to order now for use at your upcoming family reunion and we'll get it send right out to you. This an e-book and will be sent electronically as a PDF, so it's perfect for last minute planning!
It's that time of year. The chill has finally settled in my part of the country and I think it might actually stay this time. The vibrant colors of the foliage on the mountains and in the valley has been replaced with a dusting of snow and a crunching of crackly leaves under my feet. Frost settles each morning over the landscape and my heart warms up just a hitch. Not because of the cold but because of the season. November has arrived, and with it, a resolve to not get lost in the glitzy and gaudy displays of commercial Christmas that has already invaded every inch of every store I walk into these past few days. I love Christmas, don't get me wrong. But I can't help but feel we're doing ourselves a great disservice if we rush right into it without pausing to embrace Thanksgiving first. And so, I am making it a sticking point around here for the next few weeks to really focus on thinking and talking about Thanksgiving. And the first point I'd like to discuss has to do with traditions.
What are your traditions when this time of year comes? We all have some, even if we don't realize they are traditions. Sometimes we just think, "Well, that's just what you do this time of year." But have you paused to ask your family what "traditions" they remember from growing up, or that they look forward to each year, when it comes to Thanksgiving? It's easy to pin point Christmas or Hanukkah traditions, but what (besides turkey and football) do you and your family do for Thanksgiving?
In doing some preparation for one of my upcoming Rootstech presentations, I have been doing a lot of reading about the science behind family history and family narratives. There is a great deal of power behind both. One of the sources I am studying is The Secrets of Happy Families by Bruce Feiler. It's a really fascinating read but one section really caught my eye recently as I reread a section and it talked about the author's experience with Emory Psychology professor, Marshall Duke. The author had a chance to gather with Duke's family for a Shabbat dinner, one Friday evening, to discuss the power of family narratives. Duke discussed the work that he and colleague Robyn Fivush have spent a great portion of their careers in studying children's resilience. They have pioneered the field and determined that those children, and later adults, who are the most balanced and resilient in their lives are those who have a strong "intergenerational self." In other words, they know they belong to something bigger than themselves (their families). They know this because of involvement in family narratives and personal family history. Narratives are huge and it turns out that Grandma's are key in the passing on of narratives. Go figure, right?
Back to the Shabbat dinner Feiler spent with Duke's family, though. Dinner time is key in the Duke home to the sharing of narratives but Duke insisted that traditions and narratives can be shared any time, not just at dinner. But seeing as how it was a meal time, Feiler decided to ask Duke's children about their favorite traditions and narratives. The Thanksgiving tradition stuck out the most to Feiler --it's hilarious! It appears, in the Duke family, that Thanksgiving is a four day extravaganza of obscure and downright odd traditions. It all kicks off the Tuesday before Thanksgiving when the family eats turkey sandwiches for dinner. Then on Wednesday, they all eat spaghetti for dinner and paint mustaches on each other. On Thursday they hide cans of pumpkin sauce, bags of green beans, and a frozen Turkey so the family can all "hunt" for their food like the Pilgrims. Finally on Friday, they eat their Thanksgiving meal as a family. And if all of that isn't quirky enough, the family has color coded teams and they compete all weekend long for points. The winning team claims a plastic duck. The Dukes have been doing this for over thirty years and no one really had a specific reason for why any of those traditions started or carried through. They just did it that way one time and it all stuck. And not just the traditions, as odd as they may seem to some (okay, me), but the memories attached to them. The traditions just "become part of your family," Duke said. And it's what the Duke children loved telling Feiler about. It's what made their family theirs.
And so it is. Something silly or obscure happens and it's what sticks. And before you know it, you don't know why or how, but it is your family's and this time of year just wouldn't be the same without it. We've all got something right? Specific recipes that have to be on the Thanksgiving table. Watching the parade in the morning. Special china and crystal used for the meal. In my family it is open faced turkey sandwiches with cheese melted all over them the day after. Sharing our thoughts of gratitude while gathered around the table or a prayer of thanksgiving while we hold hands. Or painting on mustaches and competing for a plastic duck. Each family has something unique that makes their Thanksgiving only theirs. What can you pin down as something you do each year that makes Thanksgiving yours? And how do your children and grandchildren play into that? Do they even know that it is a tradition for your family? If not, can you find a way this year to instill in them that what you do as a family, you do for a reason? Can this be the year that you make a point of being the bridge from your family's past to your family's future by sharing, teaching, and encouraging the continuation of traditions?
It's easier than we think because it all starts with a conversation. A few questions like "Do you know why I make the cranberry sauce from scratch each year?" or "Do you know why we use the china each year for our Thanksgiving meal?" You may be surprised to know that your children and grandchildren already know. But you may also find an amazing opportunity to share a story or experience that will have lasting impact. The more our children and grandchildren know about their family and their history, the stronger they will be and the more likely they will be to pass along the narrative. If you show that it matters to you, it will matter to your posterity. So as we approach the weekend of feasting and frenetic sale shopping, I'd like to challenge you to take a moment and think of ways that you can single out and record (in a journal or in pictures) traditions for future recollection. And I'd also like to challenge you to include the youth in your family in the execution of these traditions. (If they feel like they own a part of it, they will be more likely to continue it in the future.) And then sit back and watch them fly. They may have a twist on a given tradition that you never thought of that actually makes it better. Share the opportunities in your family and watch something amazing happen--the linking of generations and the strengthening of familial bonds. You'll be grateful for that much more this year if you do.
Source:The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More by Bruce Feiler (pgs 40-43), HarperCollins copyright 2013
