Presenting with My Family (Video)

The best moments in my speaking career have come when I've had the opportunity to speak with my family members.  I've spoken at BYU with all three of my children, I've spoken with both of my twin sisters Amy and Emily, and I've spoken at RootsTech with my Dad.  My son Matthew spoke at RootsTech on his own (he filled the room better than I did, but don't tell him that.)  Matthew's RootsTech talk was exceptional and he was asked to give it several more times at other conferences throughout Utah and California.

We have the opportunity to speak together this weekend again at the Welby West Jordan Family History Fair organized in part by my good friend Luana Darby.  Matthew hasn't given his talk for a couple of years now so we've been going through it and updating things to make sure it is all current.  As such, I've been really impressed with the videos we put together at the time.  Matthew is now 20 years old, but he was only 16 when he spoke at RootsTech.  This talk is really great for a 16 year old!  

One of the things we noticed at the RootsTech youth event the year before we gave this talk, was that many of the youth were looking at their phones throughout the presentation, but when the speaker played a video, all of the heads in the room popped up to watch the video.  So, in order to capture the younger generation's attention (and to take a little pressure off a 16 year old) we added short videos to his presentation.  Check them out:

His title, "Get to Know Your Geezers" was fabulous and eye catching as well.  At the very first RootsTech conference, someone actually criticized me for having my children there.  Now, with so many actively involving their children in their Family History Research, things have changed much for the better.  Families like the Family History Fanatics, and The Genealogy Kids are carrying on the torch as my kids head into college and beyond.  I'm sure those kids, and all of the kids they reach will be benefited the way my kids have been.  Truly that has been the biggest payoff of my career.  

The Embrace of Family Traditions

Several years ago, I wrote on the Chart Chick blog about one of my favorite Christmas traditions (http://thechartchick.blogspot.com/2013/12/one-of-my-favorite-family-christmas.html) .  In my family, it is traditional to have English Trifle on Christmas Eve. I have British ancestry, and my Grandfather Darrell Dana loved it.  He loved all things custard and tapioca.  I get that from him.  We only have trifle on this one day of the year.  So it is really connected with Christmas to me. 

Christmas 1990 was my first Christmas away from home.  In fact, I was on the other side of the world.  My first marriage was falling apart and in those days you couldn't even call home much from so far away.  I was in the Middle East and the First Gulf War was about to break out.  It was a very stressful time.  I was lonely and it didn't seem like Christmas at all.  Some friends invited us over for Christmas Eve and when they brought out English Trifle for desert, it was like the heavens opened and the light shown down on my holiday.  It was a love note from home, from my ancestors, from the past.  Like a big warm hug.  The embrace of a Family Tradition.

When my Mom made trifle, year after year, she didn't know that she was sending that love note into the future.  But sometimes it is those little things that make those connections.  It can be those traditions and that shared history that ties us together.  Those are the pieces that make a family.  Traditions are part of the team narrative you have together.

This means so much more to me now that I have young adult children.  Next year, my eldest son will be the age I was in 1990.  All three of my kids are just about to leave the nest, and while I have them all home this Christmas, I find myself on the other side of this equation as the mother in the story. What have I done to create those bonds and establish the traditions that will bind my children to our family and fill their hearts with peace and love from us when they need it?  Like most well-intentioned mothers, I've made every mistake in the book.  And I'm trying to hug them enough right now.  But hopefully I've done enough that they will have those hugs from me in the future too.  Hopefully the right pieces will be there when they need it.

What are you doing in your family?  The holidays are a big time for traditions.  What are you doing this month to celebrate your family history and create a sense of heritage in your family?  Sometimes the best traditions are little ones that are practiced all through the year.  What will your family members have to embrace them during hard times?  Hug them now, but be intentional about the hugs you send into the future too.  My mom did, and I'm so thankful for that.

I'm bringing the trifle to our family gathering this Christmas Eve.  Thankfully my Mom and Dad will both be there and I'll get to share it with them and thank them again for this bit of light in my life.  How amazing that a simple thing like a trifle could mean so much. 

Every Grandma Should Take Their Family To See "Coco"

They say that the Disney movie Coco makes you want to visit your grandmother and give her a big hug.  Well my Mom did it just right.  She bought tickets for the whole family to go see Coco together this morning.  And we all came out very grateful for her.

I had high expectations for the movie and I wasn't disappointed.  As I've written about before, I love Dia de Los Muertos.  It is a day for honoring your ancestors and remembering them.  What could be better than that?  And Disney has done a great job of that lately with Moana and now with Coco.

Kim and I were in Disneyland a couple of months ago and we had a great time looking around the Coco displays they had up.  It got me really excited for the movie. I love anything that will help you teach children about the value of family history. Even at Disneyland no less. Here are some photos from our trip:  

 

While we were there, a band and some dancers came out and sang the song "Remember Me"  And I just melted.  Such beautiful lyrics about our ancestors.  Love it Love it!

They had a tree of life display and everyone was able to add a remembrance of a family member.  I wrote about my Grandparents and the times we had at Disneyland together.  So many wonderful memories.  I can't go there without missing them.  

What a beautiful simple way to help so many people remember their ancestors.  

Some of the things I loved about the movie were 1) that all families have problems.  I love that they didn't gloss over some of the hard things families deal with.  2) that Family History heals the present.  Family History always helps the problems we have in the present.  Always.  3) That we should keep photos up of our family members and remember them.  That's why we love what we do at Family ChartMasters so much.  We're honored to help people keep their ancestors memories alive and in front of them every day.  And 4) I loved the music, the flowers and just the beauty of the movie.  

Highly recommended.  Take some family members.  And then spend some time together honoring your ancestors.  Good stuff!

Thanks to my Dad

My Grandfather George Alvin Carpenter in his garden

I’m so thankful for my Dad today.  He took my son out to lunch for a visit and they ended up visiting the home where my father’s parents lived.  They had a long talk about my grandparents, about what they were like, about my grandfather’s career.  They found that my Grandfather’s garden plot was still there and that the current residents were still growing a garden there.  I remember every time we visited there we first had to go see how Grandpa’s garden was doing and admire his plants.  Dad talked to my son about how he met my mom and about his own life when he was my son’s age.  I’m so grateful for the time they got to spend together.  So glad they spent some time connecting the generations.  Thanks Dad!

Making Your Holidays More Meaningful

Just before Thanksgiving, over on The Chart Chick, I blogged about some creative, holiday decorating ideas that incorporate family history. I am very proud to say that I followed through on my desire to accomplish one of the ideas for my own Thanksgiving dinner and the results were amazing! Take a look at my pictures. It was really awesome to have our ancestors there at the dinner table with us.  It sparked several conversations about specific ancestors and it made us all feel a lot more thankfulness for everyone who had come before.  I think it was really beautiful too.  So we have a new holiday tradition at our house.

I put the pictures together digitally and then printed the whole thing on vinyl.  It was was really durable--even when we spilled food on it.  While that is a little outside of the norm for us, we can still do one for you, of course, if you like what you see.  Send me an email or give me a call (801-472-1091) and we can talk about the particulars of how to put your table runner together. Another option for you is something Rachel and I pulled together a couple of summers ago. You can check out the original blog post and YouTube tutorial here. Either way, I can't recommend this idea enough. It made a huge impact on our family now to share a meal with our ancestors from the past.

So this idea of decorating for the holidays with your family history got me to thinking about all the ways we could make this holiday season more meaningful. Like you, I've thought thought about what makes for a "Good Christmas Morning" or "Perfect Chanukah Gift." It isn't stuff. I know we all know this, but do we really know it? So I'm issuing a challenge to all of you (and myself) this December. Let's think of ways to really make this holiday season a meaningful one. One that, when our children and grandchildren look back, they won't remember what they got (because let's face it, they won't) but rather what they felt.

So let's talk about some ways to do that. Here's a ready to go list for you, for easy reference and personal application.  You can thank me later. ;)

• Decorate Your Home With Memories - Take a look at my Thanksgiving Decor blog post. It's jam packed with ideas that will work for your Christmas or Chanukah celebration as well. Not to mention easy-peasy, meaningful gifts. Or better yet, center your decorations around a custom made, decorative chart. You still have time for your domestic orders to make it in time for Christmas and Chanukah! Contact us today!
• Heartfelt Chanukah In 8 Steps - I love this article from Simple Kids. Robin, the author of this particular article, has got it right on with this! What amazing parenting advice for a meaningful, quiet remembrance of this miraculous holiday. She's even given links to help you plan your own tender moments with your family. She also offers advice on how she helps her children to understand and support their friends who celebrate Christmas, while still giving them the confidence and security of embracing their own holiday and traditions. She also gets to the heart of the whole aspect of teaching your children, through traditions, why certain aspects of Chanukah exist and how that affects them. Her words and perspectives are beautiful. What a great mom!
• Christmas Advent Activities - So this idea may be just a little late in the game (December came fast this year!), but it's worth jumping on now, while we still can. Maybe you remember those little cardboard Advent calendars from your youth with foil wrapped chocolates, or perhaps your family lit an advent wreath, or maybe you made a paper chain at school and relished in tearing off a link each day. In whatever fashion you know an advent calendar, Thomas over at Geneabloggers has a wealth of family history themed advent ideas. In fact, I have even seen tweets already of people clamoring for his collection of genealogy themed advents. Go ahead and take a look and see what ideas tickle your family's fancy. The children will love the countdown and you will love infusing your personal family narrative into the tradition. That will last longer than any foil wrapped chocolate ever could, I promise!
• Keep An Old Tradition - Talk to your children and find out what they think your holiday traditions are.  A few years ago, one of my employees and her husband were surprised to discover that their children considered dinner at their family's favorite restaurant in Salt Lake City and new pajama's on Christmas Eve to be "their family tradition." At the time it was something her family had only done once or twice, but the children identified it as what their family did on Christmas Eve. She and her husband didn't question it and decided that from then on, if the children felt it was a tradition, then it was. Over a decade later, they still celebrate Christmas Eve the same way.
• Storytelling - Dig back into your memory and pull forward everything you've ever heard about how your ancestors celebrated the holidays and share it! It's fascinating to learn how things used to be and I can promise your children will absolutely appreciate their holiday now when they learn about how holidays then used to go. There is a little bit of thankfulness involved there when kids see things as they used to be. Not to mention how curious your children may become once you start talking about how meals were prepared or gifts were made. They may even want to tackle some of those things themselves--which would be a parenting touchdown for you!
• Service - This time of year, we're all more tender hearted and aware of those who are having a harder time than we are. Opportunities to serve are endless and it seems like charities come out of the woodwork. Decide as a family on a particular charity or service project you identify with and go for it with gusto. It could be a gift tree at your local super store, Toys for Tots, Project Linus, Little Dresses for Africa, or any of your local charities. Children's hospitals are a great place to start, if you are looking for something really hands on to do with your family (meaning: your children actually see the impact of their service). One of my employees still remembers the gratitude she felt for families that came and served dinner at the Ronald McDonald House when her son was hospitalized for a week after an emergency surgery. While the businesses that ordered in pizzas were appreciated, it meant the most to her to say thank you to teenagers who had spent the day making fajitas or lasagnas with their parents. This is the easiest time of year to get your children and grandchildren invested in helping others. Start small and watch them catch fire--because they will. Service is contagious!

Hopefully this will get your gears turning on how you and your family can come together in different ways to create a more memorable and meaningful holiday season.  Televisions and Barbies only hold our attention for so long before they are just another everyday thing. But memories will light our minds for years to come--and they will be passed on for generations in future story telling. So when you get overwhelmed with your holiday to-do list, slow down and think about what really matters and what will really last. Make this holiday season one that will draw your family together and strengthen your relationships for the long haul.

What Would 365 Days Say?

Everyone has a "bucket list," right?  Some of us have them written down, some of us have an entire Pinterest board devoted to it, and some of us just carry the ideas or dreams around in our hearts hoping to check them off one day.  It's always interesting to hear the types of things people place on their bucket lists.  Just sticking to family related items, I have heard everything from "I want to travel to Norway and stand amongst the fjords where my ancestors stood" to "I am going to compile a complete Book of Remembrance of my life to pass on to my children" to "I want to find my birth parents someday."  All very different but all very personal and intense.  Those are all things that would probably better someone's life experience a bit more than "I want to go sky-diving."  Not that I am knocking extreme sports or anything.  But in the grand scheme of life, the more permanent stuff just feels worth pursuing, doesn't it?

So, before I wax too philosophical about our life journey to-do lists, I came across a task not too long ago that really got me thinking.  It doesn't hurt the thought process to mention that I feel like the goal in and of itself would match up pretty well with some scientific studies I am currently researching about ancestor connections and the effect that has on our intelligence level (seriously, it's exciting stuff).  The "bucket list item" that has me pondering lately is this one.  Taking one picture everyday for a year.  Look, we live in a digital age.  We think nothing of snapping away with our cameras and phones these days.  We document everything from our shoes, to our post workout hair, to our breakfast, lunch, and dinner, to our children or pets, to our most recent manicure.  The age of the selfie, in every incarnation, is upon us.  So, how hard would this task actually be?  In fact, some of us may be doing it already without even realizing it.  Many of us are probably Tweeting and Instagramming away this challenge as I type this post up.  But then I wondered, if we took on this challenge in terms of detailing one year of our life and our actual, personal experiences... what would you take pictures of?  After 365 days, what could a future ancestor deduce about you?

I suppose I should explain how this connects to the scientific research I am studying right now to make this question carry a little more weight.  A particular study (that I am talking about here) asked young people to think about ancestors before performing in some cognitive testing.  But it wasn't just "Think about an ancestor."  The direction was to really envision the day to day life of an ancestor.  What kind of work did he or she do, were they married, did they have children, where did they live, etc.  So, in my recent musings, I tied that into this seemingly fun challenge.  If you had 365 chances to express who you are to someone who does not exist yet but who has a very vested interest in the outcome of your life, what snapshots would you document for him or her?  What would those screen caps of your life say about you?  Who are you?  And how can you help your future posterity with that specific knowledge?

Do you know what would make this exercise even better, though?  What if you challenged a child or a grandchild to do this with you?  You could even do it with a brother, sister, or a spouse.  The possibilities are endless.  My sister even did this with her husband when he was deployed in Qatar. You could swap pictures daily on various social media platforms like Facebook or Instagram, rather than waiting until the end of a year to swap pictures.  Would that alter the kinds of pictures you would take?  What about your grandchild?  Would that change how you perceive each other or what you learn about one another?  Wouldn't it bring you closer to each other?  In fact, I'd like to challenge you to try this with your own family and see what happens (and tell me about it!) over the course of the year.  What a great way to interact and grow closer to each other and if you utilize the technology your children and grandchildren use I know it will alter your relationship in the most fun and wonderful way.

So, leave it to me to take something like taking pictures and turn it into a moment to possibly change the entire course of a future child, grandchild, or great-great-great-granchild's life, but I believe the idea has huge merit.  I guess the real point is this: every day of our lives is a snapshot.  It's a still frame of who you are and what you are experiencing.  That has the power to change someone else's perspective and life.  So when we're all "in the trenches" and thinking what we wouldn't give for life to give us a brief cease fire from all the stress and chaos and perpetual motion, just remember this--you are shaping someone else's destiny by your everyday acts.  Consider them closely, document them, share them, and rejoice in them.  People will be feeling your ripple in the water for a very long time.

Cast Your Bread Upon The Waters

For you will find it after many days.  Come and listen to my real life experience with this, because it is all kinds of crazy awesome!

First, some back story.  Hovorka is of Czech descent, this much I know.  However, as far as Czech customs, not so much.  I married into that name, Kim's Great Grandparents came to Chicago from Czechoslovakia and Kim's uncle has taken that part of the family to do research on.  Over this last year or so as more Czech records have become available, I've gotten curious but it is still Kim's uncle's domain so I'm a bit rusty on the ins and outs of the deep roots in my husband's Hovorka history.  I really don't know much about the history even though I carry that name.  To quote Dickens, "This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate."

I have spent a great deal of time in pulling together my Zap the Grandma Gap Children's Activity Books for  British, German, Swedish, and Civil War ancestry.  I am also working on some for Jewish, Mormon, Pioneer, and Danish ancestry right now that we hope to have ready for Christmas.  But, I know so little about Czech ancestry and knew that was an undertaking I could probably never get to, as much as my heartstrings pulled me in that direction.  So, how should my bread return to me after the work I have set out for others?  The answer comes in the form of Texas.  More specifically the Texas Czech Genealogical Society.  That's right folks, I went to a genealogical conference and found help with my family's genealogy.  Why am I even surprised?

I was walking through the vendor hall at FGS in San Antonio when I saw their booth and stopped to see some books like mine but for Czech ancestry!!  Can you believe it?  I'm telling you, doors open in the most unexpected ways and places when you reach out and help others with their genealogy.  Again, no surprise, right?  Look what I found:

I was so excited!  This is just what I have been doing and to see it for Czech culture was so exciting and crazy and thrilling and it seriously made my day.  Of course I had to purchase these.  The likelihood of me ever being able to make Czech ancestry activity books is pretty minimal at the moment but seeing as how it's already done, I thought I would share it with you.  No point in re-inventing the wheel, after all.  Their website is currently under construction but I wanted to pass along their contact info just in case any of you, like me, are looking for something to incorporate your Czech ancestry into your family or holiday traditions.  You can reach them at 979-848-6517.

The activity books were actually compiled and written by Daniela Mahoney, Catherine Macaro, and Mary Jo Macaro and can be ordered directly from Daniela's website.  She also has lots of great Czech related products and books and I actually just ordered some more things for some Christmas presents (Shhh...Don't tell my kids.  I'm really sure they aren't reading Mom's blog so if one of you squeal, I'm going to know).  I am so excited to see someone doing this for Czech traditions and I have been quite giddy this morning flipping through the books I already have.  I can't wait to get the new ones I just ordered.

So in the end, the wonder of this story is this: keep doing what you are doing, even if you feel like you are making little progress with your own family.  What you send out always returns in the most unexpected of ways.  This experience has been such a reminder of that for me. 

Taking the Pain Out of Journaling, Part 3

So, how are we feeling about this whole journaling project? Have you applied any of the tips I gave you last time?  I hope so, but if not, that is just fine.  I have a fresh new list of tips for you below.  Shall we get started?

• Create a space specifically for recording personal events. If you build it, you will come. Well, something like that. The point is, find a place where you could conceivably set up shop and then make it special. Stock it with specifically chosen journals and pens. Make sure you have appropriate lighting, space, and outlets to plug in digital recording devices. A comfortable chair is critical as well. Consider ordering one of our decorative charts to hang in that space to remind you of why you're doing this: to link your generations together through stories and experiences. Above all, make it yours. (Maybe the youth in the family will take advantage of your special place and do a little journaling too.)
• Think outside the box. It isn't always about a dictation of events. Sometimes journaling is simply finding and recording connections in any way that works. My Zap the Grandma Gap Ancestor Activity Books are a great way to help your children or grandchildren (and yourself) record personal family details without overthinking the process. I have all sorts of activities to help make discovering and recording personal family history unique and fun. 
• Experiment with format. Give yourself different challenges for each time you journal. Maybe you'll give yourself a "One Word Sentence" challenge where you can only describe your day One. Word. At. A. Time. Or how about an acrostic poem based off of the adjective that best describes your current mood? Write a "Mad Lib" about your day but then ask your children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews to fill in the blanks. (Talk about a fun family activity right there!) The point is, break out of the idea that every journal entry needs to include grammatically correct sentences. 
• Try out a "Currently" list. This is something that I've seen on the web in blogs and other social media sites but it's something I've done for years, long before Pinterest made it cool. Simply head your page with the word CURRENTLY in all caps (just like that). Then create a list that could include any number of activities, such as "listening to" or "watching" or "eating" or "loving." You get the general idea. Go back an add a few words or a sentence that describes those verbs. It's the fastest way to bullet point a week while still actually showing your personality. Win-win all the way.
• Just do it. Sometimes we're going to have to put off washing the cereal bowls for just a few minutes. Maybe we need to skip watching a favorite TV show. Occasionally the phone just doesn't need to be answered. Whatever it is that's eating up your spare change minutes in the day, see if you can do without it a few times a week and commit to creating a consistent habit. It will make a difference in your life. I promise! 

I hope this list has you motivated to take some time to record your life a little more consistently. And if you are great about that habit already, maybe these ideas will help you shake things up in a fun and exciting way. The real point of all of this is just to inspire you to take little steps at improving your family history habits. Someday, someone you've never met will be so thankful for the time you put into your own journaling and personal history. And if they get to know a little bit about your personality along the way, well, all the better!

Taking the Pain Out of Journaling, Part 2

As promised, here is the first half of my prescription for painless journaling.  I hope you'll feel the itch to write down at least one thing about yourself or your day after reading this.  If not, come back tomorrow and we'll up the dosage.  In the meantime, take at least one of these and comment in the morning:

• Make it fun! While we all know how invaluable those personal histories with dates, full names, locations, and intimate details are, they can be a bit of a drag to actually pull together. Be sure to play around and match your journalistic styling to your personality. 
• Short and sweet. Sometimes bullet points are all we have time for. That's okay. Really! Something will always be better than nothing. 
• Interview yourself. Write down a bunch of questions as if you were interviewing someone you've always wanted to meet. Set the list aside for a week or so and then come back to it. (Or, better yet, I have a list already compiled in my Zap the Grandma Gap Power Up Workbook.) Answer those questions as if someone were interviewing you. Show your personality - answer candidly with whatever humor, sass, or passion you can muster. You're descendants will thank you! 
• Scour social media. Have you seen some of the great ideas folks are posting all over the web under the hashtag or title of "journal prompts"? It's gold, I tell you! You'll never look at journaling the same way again. 
• Make it a work of art. Along with the above tip, really look at the different ways people make a journal prompt their own. Find a great pen and some nice paper and go crazy with calligraphy or plaster your page with pictures. Write names, dates, and places as shape outlines and then interlink them to create a geometrically pleasing design. Make a journal entry entirely out of pictures taken from magazine clippings. Really, this list could go on and on and on.

Now, do you feel inspired yet?

Names...They're Kind of a Big Deal

Having an identity is a critical need in the human condition. We all want to know how we fit into the general scheme of this world. Exploring our names is a great place to start on our quest for personal understanding. Maybe you have the type of family that discusses this sort of thing openly, and often. But let's say you don't. What a fantastic conversation starter you have for the next family gathering you attend. Asking about names can be a pretty simple gateway into the world of family reminiscing and bonding.

Maybe you've been feeling the friction with a tween or teen in your household. This can be a sign that your child is simply trying to figure out who they really are. More than likely, the internal clash of growing up and staying safe are throwing your child into the deep end of the pool without a life vest. As a parent, wouldn't you take any chance you could to casually slip a flotation device under your child? A casual conversation about how her name came to you could have the power to buoy her up on a day when treading water is just too hard. Maybe knowing that you found meaning and purpose behind a specific name will help him see that you really were invested in him long before he was placed in your arms. Who knows the possible effects a "This is how you got your name" conversation could have on your child, now or decades from now.

 Maybe you're reading this and thinking, "But you don't live with my family. That kind of conversation would never happen with my kids. I have no idea where to start!"  Well, I have some help for you.  First, have you told them how you picked out their first name?  Start there.  Then, beyond that, I have help for you in my book, Zap the Grandma Gap.  It has an entire section devoted to learning about given names and surnames. The suggestions contained within a few pages throw a pretty powerful punch.  There are too many resources to list here but some that I have in the book include a website resource for surname research and I also talk about discovering meanings, coats of arms, and tapping into family organizations to get the ball rolling. Can you imagine saying to a surly teen, "Do you want to see what I found online today? Our family crest! How cool is that?" Even the most grumpy kid can't help but get a little excited about a symbol devoted solely to defining their name. Am I right?

Take the time this week to have a conversation with your family members about names.  What they mean, how they came to be, and what you think about all of that.  It will be one of your most meaningful experiences this week if you do.  I can almost guarantee it.

Ca Ching

We've been running around like crazy around here with lots of things I promise to blog about this week.  But I had to share with you my happy dance for today.

My 15 year old son is speaking next week at RootsTech and today he had to write an unrelated paper for school today on "Why Family History Is Important" (In relation to the book The Giver.)  He said I could post it for you here.  We've worked and worked together on his RootsTech talk.  But he wrote this all by himself.  Take a look:


Why Family History is Important

I believe family history is important because it helps us understand where we came from and be confident because we can see what our ancestors did. My family runs a company that prints genealogy charts, so I am very I am very involved with family history, this year I am even going to teach a class about how youth can get started using online genealogy research sites at Rootstech, which is a huge conference hosted by FamilySearch.

My great great grandfather, John Hatten Carpenter, spent most of his life sending letters back and forth with people in England so he could do temple work for them (he was the first member of his family to join the LDS church.) He was able to complete his family history back to the 1200s. He was also the first one to move to America, which I thought was cool to learn about. When we went to England last year we went to see the farm he grew up on, and we also got to see lots of cool old documents, like old lamps and I got to hold an old will that was older than the Declaration of Independence, which was written on really thin leather. It was interesting to learn how they thinned the hide, there were dime sized holes in the leather, which it turns out were from mosquito bites before the leather was stretched.

Another reason family history is fun is because it can help you to understand the traditions you have today and why your family is the way it is. My grandpa went on his mission to Switzerland and we still do lots of stuff he learned when he was over there.

But the main reason I like to learn about my family history is that if you look enough you can find lots of really interesting stories. My grandpa has an old Edison amberola which he got from his grandpa. It is really interesting to see all the cool and old stuff they had back then, and how cool the stuff we have now is.

Learning about my family history has been a big part of my life and I am glad that I am able to access it so easily. I think other people should start to work on their genealogy if they haven’t already, because it is really worth it.
The End

I gave up long ago on having a "genealogist" for a child.  But I knew the importance of them knowing about their family history so I kept at it.  And look---it is starting to pay off!!  Happy Dancing Day.  

Elaine Dalton's Devotional at RootsTech

So the whole family got to go see Elaine Dalton's devotional at RootsTech last weekend.  It was great for us that the exhibitor's hall closed so early in the afternoon.  We were able to get everything packed up, go have a nice dinner together and listen to my teenagers talk about the sessions they went to in the afternoon, and then all go together to listen to the devotional.  It was some great family time together--a sweet benefit to doing family history together.  As always, Family History strengthens those bonds between family members. 

I knew we were in for a treat.  Elaine Dalton is a wonderful, genuine, beautiful lady.  She holds the calling in the LDS church of the general leader over all LDS Young Women ages 12-18.  She is called the Young Women's General President.  As such, she travels all over the world speaking to youth groups.  I was very honored a couple of weeks ago when she sent me a personal letter saying that she loved my Zap The Grandma Gap books and that she would be using them with her grandchildren.  I know she is busy, but I know family history and her own family are very important to her.

She compared the almost two thousand youth in attendance to the 2,000 Stripling Warriors.  In the Book of Mormon (considered as scripture to the LDS church) there is a story about 2,000 young men who fought to save their families.  In the story, the families of the young men had lived for generations at war with the people of God.  When their parents were converted to the truth, they made an oath to never take up weapons again in pennance for their past wrongs.  Many of the fathers of these 2,000 young men were killed by their enemies because they were true to their oath and wouldn't go back to fighting.  What was left of their community--mostly the young children and their mothers--went to live with other people who shared their same faith in God.  Their new neighbors knew of the oath and wanted to support their commitment to God.  The new neighbors promised to protect them in the continual wars that were going on.  But as the years went on, the wars were increasingly severe and it took a great toll on the people.  When their survival was at stake, 2,000 of their young men--young enough that they had not taken the oath that their parents had taken--offered to go to war to protect their families.  They chose a prophet to be their leader and they went out to fight.  The book says "they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them."  These 2,000 young men were then protected and not one of them lost their lives in the fighting.  They proved crucial to winning the war.

I thought this was a brilliant analogy and I was so moved sitting in the middle of all these teenagers listening to her talk.  Like I write in the books, I honestly believe family history could save the world from so many of the social ills that we see today.  I believe it helps young people have the scaffolding to grow up to be strong, purposeful adults with a healthy sense of self.  I believe it saves families.  And as young people today get involved in family history it does save their families.  As the New York Times, the Huffington Post and etc have been talking about as of late--family history--having that family narrative is a strong team building exercise that is the strongest thing you can use to create good relationships in your family.

Sister Dalton was very forthright in her religious convictions about the importance of family history for youth.  She said "When the Lord has something important to do He often asks the youth to do it."  She cited the examples of Mormon, another Book of Mormon figure who was called to the ministry at only 15.  And she talked of Joseph Smith, the modern day prophet who started the LDS church and was called of God at the age of 14.  She said that she believed that mobile devices had been developed so that this generation would be able to do family history.  And I really appreciated her leadership in saying, "I will never ask you to start doing what I'm not doing."  She told them that you can't be a leader unless you are out in front doing it.  So she promised them that she would be on the computer doing it too--and she told them she might be calling them for some help.  :)

She talked about an initiative in one area of the church (I'm sorry I missed the location) where a few youth were taught about how to research their family history and then each of them went and taught another young person how to do it.  Each of them in turn went and taught another person.  She joked that it works best when the girls were inviting boys.  "Talk about binding hearts together."  :)  She asked each of the youth in attendance to go out and teach another young person about family history. As you can see by my other posts about what what my kids thought about RootsTech, that would definitely help with my own family.  There is some sort of disconnect when adults are talking about it.  My teenagers resonate best with other teenagers teaching how to do it.

It was a great presentation.  I left all inspired and I think the kids caught a bit of inspiration too.  You can read more of Sister Dalton's instructions to LDS youth about family history here. 

Mom is still Zapping me

So while I was in England to speak at the Who Do You Think You Are Live conference, I had an opportunity to go to tea with my mother at the Kensington Palace Orangrie.  It was absolutely lovely and everything you would think that tea at Kensington Palace would be. 

But while we were there, I wasn't having the wonderful experience that I should have been having.  I was frustrated with some things that had come up in life and upset that life wasn't going as I wanted it to.  I was complaining to my Mom.  I so appreciate that she is a safe place to put my trouble and she is always willing to listen. 

Well this time she turned my book around on me--perfectly executing what I have written about in Zap the Grandma Gap.  As I was complaining that the world wouldn't conform to my wishes, she sunk a parenting shot that changed my whole outlook on life. 

She talked to me about her mother.  My matriarchal grandmother suffered from Multiple Sclerosis.  She stopped walking when I started walking and was confined to a wheelchair the entire time I knew her.  She passed away just before my third child was born, making about thirty years that she patiently dealt with this horrible disease and the horrible wheelchairs that she was confined to.  Grandma dealt with it all with absolutely amazing grace. 

These are my mother's parents.  I adored my grandmother and grandfather and I am so thankful for the 30 years that I had with them before they passed.  Grandma was so patient with us, with life, and she was happy, truly happy.  I always knew she loved me very much.   One of my favorite memories of her was when we were watching TV and saw a news article about Christopher Reeve as a parapalegic.  She looked at him and shook her head and said, "I don't know how he does it."

In the midst of my complaining, Mom reminded me that Grandma's life didn't go the way she wanted it to either--but in a much bigger way.  Likewise, Grandpa wasn't able to do the things he wanted to with his wife but he loved her all the more.  Grandpa worked his whole life for United Airlines and they had free tickets anywhere when he retired.  They relished the one trip they were able to take to Europe with my uncle's help and never complained that they couldn't do more traveling. 

With Mom's gentle prompting, I decided that day that I can be happy like Grandma Dana even though life gave her something different than what she planned.  I can be happy like Grandpa Dana who thought it was a privilege to take care of Grandma.  I can be happy with my much smaller trials because I have that in my DNA. 

So again we find that the principles of using your family history to strengthen your family today work on adults.  The principles from the book even work on me.  My Mom is still zapping me. 

Heartfelt feedback

Celia Lewis wrote me a very inspiring email this week.  I asked her if I could share it with you and she said I could.  She expresses exactly what I was trying to say in the first email of our 52 weeks of ideas newsletter about the value of family history.  She is a hero for turning around a destructive pattern in her family.  We all need to teach our children and grandchildren about the past so that they know the value of what we have built in our current families and that it is worth the effort you have to put in to it. 

She writes..
"About your newsletter post today - the lessons learned by the older
generation, passing on to the next...

I was very upfront with my kids about how in our family, swearing at
each other or calling each other names was absolutely not done to
people you love.   That it was as nasty as hitting them with a
baseball bat.

My own upbringing was quite challenging - my rageaholic mother

targeted me and verbally beat me into a rather broken mess for the

first 12-14 years of my life - I'm the 2nd daughter with a younger
brother. She only ranted and raged at me when others were not around,
of course.  But having random but frequent rages directly into my face
about what a piece of stupid ugly I am ( in details I'd rather

not hear ever again...even on virtual paper) - does incredible damage.
 I used to think I must have been adopted, but unfortunately I looked

just like my dad and I had older cousins I talked with when I was in
my teens who remembered mom pregnant and me as a new baby.  Sigh.

So when I grew up and married I determined never to do that to my
kids.  Ever.  I already knew that her father had also been a
rageaholic with some physical violence to the elder two of the 5
children (mom was the baby); and that HIS father had been rather
fanatically 'religious' and physically abusive as well.  Not in my
house, thank you very much.

The best statement my kids ever gave me was when my eldest daughter (I
have 4 kids, 2 of each) told me when she in her 20s "Well, mom," she

stated with one hand on her hip, "we might not have liked what you

decided was our discipline or consequences when we were out of line,
but ... (long pause) ... we always knew you had thought about it for
awhile, first.  You didn't just get all reactive and mad like (a
friend's parents).  So that was okay, I guess."

I taught parenting classes for over 23 years to keep myself honest

with my kids, being clear about their developmental abilities, keeping

the house rules down to 3 rules, and trying my best.  I was very open
about the abuse in my mother's family - people think that only sexual
abuse is bad... Let me tell you that emotional abuse is absolutely

soul-destroying.  Three of my four kids are married, two with 3

children each, and I'm very proud to say that they all - all 4 of my
kids - are absolutely respectful and clear communicators with
children.

Yes, one does need to teach the stories in one's family.  Not only to

add depth to what your grown up kids think they know, but also for
their own children to understand that being the best you can be is
sometimes hard work, sometimes incredible fun, and sometimes very
frustrating to figure out in the middle of a problem situation.  But
it's possible.

All best wishes in your genealogy endeavours!

- Celia
Vancouver BC

Congratulations Celia.  You are a real ground breaker, understanding your roots and strengthening the future generations.